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The story is told of a woman who delighted
in telling others about how her life had changed for the better
and the difference God had made in her life. "I'm so glad I
found Christ," she exclaimed. "I have this uncle I despised so
much I vowed I'd never go to his funeral. But that has all
changed. Now, why, I'd be glad to attend his funeral any
time!"
In the course of my ministry, I have had
many pastoral conversations with church members and friends who
speak of the deep hurt they feel because of the what someone
else did or said. On occasion, years may have passed between
the event and the time of our talk, but the pain remains as if
the wound was recent. "How can I forgive and let go?" is often
a question posed to me. Forgiveness is never easy nor does it
come as part of human nature. We need to learn to forgive
through allowing the God who forgives us to help us. "Put away
from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and
slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has given
you." (Ephesians 4:31 NRSV)
We tend to think we know what forgiveness
is. Lewis B. Smedes in The Art of Forgiving,
makes the following six simple statements of what forgiveness is
not:
1. Forgiving someone who did us wrong does not mean that we
tolerate the wrong that was done.
2. Forgiving does not mean that we want to
forget what happened.
3. Forgiving does not mean that we excuse
the person who did it.
4. Forgiving does not mean that we take
the edge off the evil done to us.
5. Forgiving does not mean that we
surrender our right to justice.
6. Forgiving does not mean that we invite
someone who hurt us once to hurt us again.
The story of Joseph as Genesis recounts it
is an incredible tale of envy, betrayal and deception--by his
own brothers! The young Joseph must travel a path he never
intended to journey and his life is forever changed by the
terrible actions of his family. As the narrative and the book
of Genesis itself concludes, the brothers fear that their
younger brother will still hold a grudge against them and pay
them back for the wrong they did him. They bring a message from
their now deceased father, "Say to Joseph: I beg you, forgive
the crime of your brothers and the wrong they did in harming
you." (50:17a) Joseph put the events into a larger context of
grace, and said back to them, "Even though you intended to do
harm to me, God intended it for good." (50:20a) If we can see
past our own hurt and pain that we might justifiably feel toward
another who has wronged us, maybe we will discover the grace of
God at work in a way we might never have imagined.
A seminary professor once treated his
students to a classroom object lesson. As they arrived for
class that morning, they discovered a target on the wall and
darts on the nearby table. The teacher invited his students to
draw a picture of someone they disliked or had made them angry,
and he would allow them to post the picture and then throw darts
at it.
This exercise quickly became fun for the
class, with a good deal of laughter as stories were told of how
the picture represented a person who had often hurt them
deeply. Some of the students had drawn horns on the person's
head to indicate the representation of evil. A few of the
students threw the darts with such force that the target began
to rip apart. After some time, another picture was revealed
under the target itself. It was a drawing of Jesus, with his
face now covered by the jagged marks of the darts which had been
directed toward someone else.
The teacher noted Jesus' words as the
lesson for the day "..just as you did this to the least of
these, my sisters and brothers, you did it to me." (Matthew
25:40b) It was a lesson those students would never forget.
With blessings and prayers for peace,
David Charles Smith
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